Failing

Life is mostly about failure. Yeah, that's a hard truth to digest. Last year I was part of a business, S!zzle, that failed. It wasn't fun, but the experience made me stronger. Writing code I try tons of things every day that don't work. They fail. But as long as I find one that works in the end, that's enough. It's hard to remember in the trenches, when you're spending most of your time assessing your latest failure, that what defines you for everyone else are those few and far between successes.

Looking back at all the things I've tried to get my kids to do, that is, activities to help them grow, I've mostly failed. The four people I'm trying to help have quit so many times. We've driven across the country to places that closed 15 minutes before we got there. They've broken tents, ruined furniture, had pets die through negligence, been sidelined, embarassed themselves on stage, struck out, and a thousand other failures. But I keep pushing them. Push through the pain of failure, learn, and try not to make the same mistake agian. Although we all do sometimes.

One of the themes of the Back to the Future movies is overcoming that crippling inaction. Too many times the greater failure in life is to do nothing. Living is about action. History remembers men of action, even those who fail spectacularly. Sittting in a dark theater drinking green tea has never been for me. But failing hurts. Looking in the mirror, I know how I will die. I know what will kill me. And some days I wish for that sweet release from the pain of the continued failure of living.

I think we all do.

Philosophy about the finality of death aside, there are too many fun things left to do. Make enough mistakes, and people will die because of them. That's something you maybe never get over. You're not old until your regrets outnumber your dreams though. And, perhaps, this is why failure can be so soulkilling. If we can't forgive ourselves our errors even a small child can quickly become buried in a mountain of regret.