Happier Days

My mind often wonders to thoughts of happier days, when youth was still with me and I still had the love and respect of my family. Cara is busy burning all the bridges back to that time. She knows that if she talks to anyone who doesn't hate me, then she might forgive me. She has forgiven me so many screw ups she is protecting herself from doing it again. She is great at making friends.

I go back to Bergen on Tuesday. Back to the late nights. Back to spend time with my kids. Back to the angry wife. Back to the beautiful mountains. Back to a social network supporting Cara and cursing me. Back to the woman I have loved my whole adult life and before. Back to lawyers and pain. Back to life.

I wonder how many men at the Alamo knew they were going to die when they decided to stay. Or if they stayed there believing beyond hope that they had a chance to withstand Santa Ana's army. I'm going back to Norway on Tuesday with little hope of unhardening Cara's heart and winning it back, and yet I am going still with that goal in mind. And to be with Maxwell and Zara. I love them and Cara doesn't want me to see them and she wants to have full custody of them. "They will live with me and you will support them from afar." Never have I felt so much hate, but I have tried to return only love. Still, this may be my Alamo where I go stand for what I believe in and fall.