Court

Today I saw my wife in court. I haven't seen her in a month. She looked beautiful, if a bit sickly from weightloss and crying. Still. Stunning. And with all new clothes since she isn't contributing to any of our bills. She bragged about buying Maxwell a keyboard. I told him I'd buy him one if he agreed to take lessons. I also sent Cara a list of what I was buying the kids for Christmas. Stupid. She saw that I was buying necessities and went all out with fun things and didn't reply to me. My love for her makes me stupid repeatedly. Like subborning all my goals to hers in the hope that she might deign to have more children with me. Foolish. Today in court she had only harsh words for me. They hurt. Every one of them. I understand why guys give up and just leave. Women can be so vicious with words. I endured her harshness for my children. I won't find out until tomorrow if the court will seize Zara's passport from her so I can travel with her or agree to Cara's travel ban that forbids the children from leaving Norway with me. I see her and I feel only love, but then she opens her hateful, destructive mouth and I am reconvinced that divorce is the best option. She hates me and has for years. Now that I've helped her to a level of success that makes me superfluous, she's dumping me. It hurts so much. She used to say that she would never have gotten her bachelor's or her PhD without me. Now I'm just trash to her, to be thrown out. And part of me wants to throw myself out to make her happy because I love her. How messed up is that?