Travels: AMS to JFK to SAV

Books | Films | Training

3 April 2021 - Schiphol

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4:00 This is the longest I've ever been in Holland. It's also the first time I've stayed in a hotel inside the airport. Actually thats not true. I stayed at the hotel inside the Stockholm airport on my way to Berlin to un the half marathon there with Axel in 2019. And I did that after my wallet and phone had been stolen in Mallorca, so I was travelling with just cash and a passport; no credit card or phone. I reckon that trip was harder than this one, but it sure doesn't feel that way. I felt like I'd hit my stride as an international runner and half-time dad then. Now the races are gone and so are my kids. Parental alienation is a terrible thing - far more terrible than this pandemic but likewise made worse by the "best intentions" of governments. And, yes, I am up this early because of nightmares. Have I been a good son? I will not recite all that they did in support of Cara against me during the divorce, but I did not stop talking to them; they blocked me. And now that dad is sick they want me to forget it all. My dad is my dad, so I am going to see him. Or am I making a mockery of filial piety in the hopes that my own children will notice and stop ostracizing me? I cannot forget reading Gandhi's autobiography all those years ago how the satyagrahi took time out from his struggle against the British to nurse people that were sick or dying. So I can make a good argument to myself that what I am doing is right while I remain bathed in doubt.

14:00 It's eight o'clock at home, but I'm in New York. Fucking New York. JFK. If I had my druthers, I'd not travel through here at all. Seth Rogan's "An American Pickle" was pretty good though. I cried. Because family and history and why do I cry at movies now? My flight to Savannah is in over 4 hours, because I wanted to be careful.