My Dad |
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2 September 2025
When I look in the mirror I increasingly see my dad. He was strong. I remember his muscles and I remember his frailty. He beat me relentlessly at every game I played as a child, both physical and more importantly mental. Telling him when I bested his SAT score in high school was a truly transformative moment in my life. I saw my own kids do even better at a younger age and my own heart swelled with pride. My dad didn't expect it of me though, and the surprise on his face is something I can't describe fully or forget. When he was the age I am now and couldn't stop me from dunking him in the ocean was another moment. My invincible dad could be defeated! It did not feel like victory as much as foreboding though. I would relish a mental or even physical contest with my children, but they're gone; eaten by beliefs that I didn't teach them, but failed to protect them from. When I look in the mirror I see my father's frailty, my frailty. He was James Bond, and I am a poor echo. TBS had Bond marathons we watched together. The last film he saw was last film we watched together, where James Bond died. Momento mori. Valar morghulis. Much as he was a poor echo of his own father who grew up on a farm and eventually ended up engineering night vision optics for the US Army. I may be the most published Wogsland, but grandpa has the most patents. Standing on the shoulders of giants I am. Still, in the mirror, I increasingly see only the frailty. My dad died. He was not invincible. Neither am I.
