The Responsibility Glitch

Yesterday I read Brad Feld's blog where he introduced the idea of the Responsibility Glitch. Reading and listening to Feld on running & mental health I often find I can really relate. This idea of a glitch really spoke to me, as I too tend to agglutinate responsibilty to the breaking point and then find myself depressed because I cannot control everything. This is part of what really burns me out at work - I want to be involved in and control every aspect of the business to automate it and make it more efficient. I think I was already cognizant of this issue there, even if I didn't have a name for it. But at home and in my personal life it's much worse. Especially with the kids.

We've moved. Long story. Suffice is to say that it was unplanned and has been stressful for everyone. I tried to not be responsible for our housing. Cara wanted to buy a house, so I let her take the lead. Our former landlord wanted to sell his place, so we had to be out by July. It didn't work out and so I had to assume responsibility for planning and executing a move in the span of a week or so. Which is not to say Cara wasn't completely involved and coresponsible. Now we have 13 months to figure out the housebuying project, which I am still not convinced is a good idea but am now coresponsible for executing.

Anyway, moving is stressful. Maxwell & Zara have been at eachother's throats. Alora's escaping into Netflix when she's not trying to get to Atlanta to interview (she got the job) and plan her own move. She asked me to help her move all her things to Atlanta next weekend. Next weekend we are taking Zara to TIP camp in St. Louis - the opposite direction. I said no to that responsibility, which really put her into a funk. Now she's downgraded the request to just taking our minivan, which the last time she drove she ripped a hole in the sidewall of one of the tires (her fault) and the alternator died (likely not her fault). Not to mention we're planning to take the car to St. Louis. At least Brittan only died her hair pink...

So, being the dad, I figured it was my responsibility to usher everyone into a newfound state of happiness. My plan for doing this: an excursion to the pool to grill out and swim! Well, Alora didn't want to come and then sulked the whole time. Cara couldn't find her suit and didn't come until a half hour after I walked down with the kids. While grilling I realized I'd forgotten cheese for the burgers and a platter to serve them on, so I asked Zara, who had up to that point been playing in the pool with her brother and another kid nicely, to run home and grab them. It is a 5 min walk. She was scared. So I asked Maxwell to go too. Then the fighting began. A half hour later, well after the burgers were done, Brittan went to find them. She got the cheese, but Maxwell ran off with the platter. At which point I lost my temper and had some choice words with the boy. And so taking on responsibilty for making everyone happy led to pretty much everyone in a bad mood. Except for Brittan. Somehow she remains a ray of sunshine through just about everything. Pink sunshine. But her plan to get a remote job and move to Spain for a while has worked out perfectly - she flies out in a couple weeks and has an old college roommate to stay with while she's there.

So, yeah, it's a glitch. I'm sitting here fretting about how unorganized my library is boxed up between two storage units and an apartment. You know, those collections I assumed responsibility for from my grandfathers, my father-in-law and my own bibliophilia. Following Feld, I think it's time for a run.