Sick

When I am sick I do not run as much. This past week or so I have been sick. Running, as you may know, is one of the things that helps me preserve my tenuous grip on reality. Reality is a strange thing. My dad used to tell me that reality is merely our perception of the world. Is then then misfortune that befalls me a result of the darkness in my heart? Is the joy in my life merely a reflection of my inner happiness? Epictetus, if I remember him correctly, would say yes. He'd say we cannot control the world around us but we can control how we perceive it to create our reality.

Sunday night after PyTennessee Cara hooked up the TV to the cable so that she could watch the Superbowl. For some reason she enjoys the ritual and communal sense of national sporting events. I had so work due for the Galois Theory class I'm taking, so I headed out to Starbucks to avoid the distraction. It's interesting that Starbucks on Superbowl Sunday isn't really empty. There are plenty of other people who don't care about watching, including others burying themselves in study. After a while a woman came in and sat down across from me. She asked for my help, saying she worked at a local restaurant (one I never go to) and had been involved in a domestic violence incident so she needed to get a room for the night. She claimed to be $34 short on the room. Untrusting soul that I am figured it must be a scam somehow, but my humanity won out and I decided to help her. I called up the hotel and told them I wanted to pay $34 and only $34 toward her room and then gave them the credit card number of a prepaid card that only had $50 on it to minimize my liability. Then I asked her why she chose me - was I the nicest looking person in Starbucks. No, she said, I looked the least judgemental.

Of course, I don't really believe my father or Epictetus. I believe reality exists apart from my perception of it. And I believe that there are chemical things happening in my brain that make me feel happy or sad apart from my intentions to feel either. Still, they are both useful fictions to explore.